were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
