I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
