i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
