I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
