i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
