remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
