saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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