i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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