when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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