i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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