remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
