This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
