Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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