dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
