I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
