On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
