after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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