He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Help. Why am I so naked?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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