I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
