i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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