It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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