Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
