I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
