zippers are such a cool invention
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
