What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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