Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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