no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
