It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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