my room smells like sperm. sweet.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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