I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
