How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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