The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
