but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
