just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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