Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
