I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
