What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
