You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
