Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
