I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
