Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
