hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
