Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
