my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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