and you said cock pushups were impossible
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
