Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
