I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You have to summon your inner elephant
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
