You just made me feel so damn special
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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