I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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