fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
