He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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